Love and Letters

Well here I sit after a good weekend. I have reflected on the past week and am looking to the future. We have an upcoming marriage in our household. This event has been a hard one to get moving on. We are excited for our daughter and her amazing fiance' but there have been other obstacles. First is the economy, we are on a very tight budget and the celebration just keeps getting bigger and bigger. This large guest list of course lead to more and more mouths and oh my more expense. I suppose this is what happens when you merge two large Catholic families. Our wedding party is spread out and things seem to the point of painful to organize. My daughter seems to be in a perpetual state of frustration with everything. Can you say, "Eight post offices and over 100 miles"? Yes, that is the effort it took to find the stamps she wanted. Now mind you I am not in the habit of doing something that extreme but when other things just don't appear to be happening and you have a beautiful bride with huge tears in her eyes over what is the "last straw". Mom does those things. By the way, she ended up with her gold wedding ring stamps! Our daughter has really been very cautious in her selections for her big day, but a wedding with 200 guests no matter how simple is not really "all that simple". A few days ago I posted a note on our farm's face book page about writing a hand written letter to someone and mailing it (it just seemed nice). Remember when that used to happen? Our farm is in the business "if you will" of helping us to remember life's simpler things. After weeks of looking at what seems to be nothing but bills and fliers trying to sell you more junk, why not? Handwritten letters seem like such a welcome change from the asking of us: to the checking on our neighbors and family with something from our hands, that was lead with our hearts. Nobody really gets these wonderful gifts anymore. My husband is always sending me such loving notes to brighten my day. With the increasing use of computers I once told him that I would like a few to save. Something in his writing to tuck in a drawer and savor when we are old. Although I must add a disclaimer if he reads this..please don't stop sending me love notes on the computer. I suppose we send correspondence more often and without as much effort (which has it's own merits). Sometimes the effort of a gift is greater than the gift. Have we as a society begun to loose this quality. My husband also told me the other day that there is talk of removing handwriting from the school systems in a few years. What a tragic loss for future generations of texters and tweeters; one that they won't even miss. One of my most treasured possessions is a note from my grandmother when I was getting married. She never lived to see the union but in a small blue shoe box was an assortment of funny little kitchen gadgets. I am sure several were donated to her for this cause by those who knew me and were from some of her dear friend's kitchens. There was also an inexpensive paper back book on household hints. Which I have actually used many times and still have. Most precious, was a note written on what appears to be half a page out of her address book (Grandma Berg was very frugal). She washed and dried foil and plastic baggies. The note was nothing out of the ordinary just a piece of paper in her all to recognizable and beautiful script (although visibly shaky as she was very sick). It read "For your new life, I hope these are helpful. Much love, Grandma Berg". Grandma died in the winter before I was married but her note tucked in a safe spot in my home has allowed her to be with me through 25 years of marriage. A reminder of someones love. Incidentally, my mother also has a note that is barely legible given to her by her mother a few days before she passed away. My grandmother had lost her ability to speak due to the ALS that took over her body. The note my mother treasures says "I love you; so tired". This note is in my mother's Bible. Back to the wedding; things have been well, out of sorts. Try as we will to get things on track I suppose it is like most weddings there are boulders to move. Yesterday I checked the mail after running errands and in it were many RSVP cards that made me smile and I knew would make my daughter smile. These were the first to be returned. There was also a small card about the size of the others but of a different color addressed to me. I got home and called "the bride" to the kitchen her face, as expected "lit up" when I handed her the reply cards. I sat down with her at the counter as she opened her treasures. I opened my envelope and found a lovely handmade invitation from a dear friend for a shower for my daughter. What thought and effort must have gone into this loving gesture to celebrate, a once in a lifetime moment in my daughter's life. Rest assured that whenever we see this lovely card our hearts feel lighter and there is a feeling of being cared about. I set it out on the antique sewing machine in our kitchen to admire and remind me of good things. Thank you to my dear friend, for her special gift yesterday. It seems to have made not just my day, but the whole process ahead of us a more beautiful journey.
Copyright © 2011-2012 Micheline Edwards
All rights reserved to by Micheline Edwards

You never know who sees your yoke.

My last entry ended with "wear your yoke with a smile; you never know who may be watching". I try to do that most of the time. This year has been a real page turner for our family. I haven't always worn a smile and last week was one of those weeks. Sometimes because we are human we fail at things despite our best efforts. While raising five children our house is often crazy. Not everyone is always pleased as we frequently roll with the majority. Last week there was no majority. It happens. Everybody wanted to get away for a few days before school started. The school year starting this fall signifies for us a major change in our household. Until now we had four of our five still living at home (most of the time). This year our daughter will be married Oct. 8th; she will be moving to Fargo N.D. Our middle son who is a pharmacy student in St. Louis got his first internship and for the most part will now reside in St.Louis full time. Our younger two are beginning their last two years of high school. The older of the two is planning on attending school at Mizzou next fall. That leaves us with one. In one years time we will go from four children at home to one. "One". Talk about a change. My husband wanted "one" last chance to get everybody together. Finances, as is the case for most families right now are tight so our options were limited. Everybody trying to be respectful of the other was reluctant to make a choice. This went on so long that we ended up upset with everybody and everything due to lack of planning. Words were said, tears cried, and emotions ran high. A lot of stress over something that was supposed to be enjoyed. We ended up pulling most of it together and had a pretty decent time. Some of us were still disappointed for one reason or the other. For me (and I believe my husband) it was not the one event that flopped but what seemed to be an end to a wonderful era of past happy times with children who were moving on. I am not a "crier". As a child I remember thinking how annoying a "crybaby woman" was. I am now "her". I have cried for no apparent reason and at any given moment for weeks now (I have also been easily upset/annoyed in general). The last few days have shed light on this. I have watched my friends who have children leaving for college become moody & cry the same way. Most of them have one child heading on to great adventures. Three in one year! really?!? How can this be? It took almost 12 years to GET them all here. I am excited for the wonderful things before them. For a parent watching your child move forward as a happy and confident young adult is an amazing process (we have one older boy as well who is married, with 3 children and in the USAF). One was hard and I went through some of these emotions. Why was I so blind sided this time. Who knows. Different children and situations; non the less it smacked me hard. I have not worn my yoke well. It happens. My friends have worn theirs adorned with neon signs of emotion as well. I was watching them. They are watching me. We are watching each other as we go through this time of wonder and change in our lives. I am blessed to have such wonderful friends to share this with. I will try for my children to keep my yoke in check; but make no promises to not be emotional or cry at a moments notice. My children will think I am crazy but my friends and God will know it is just my heart sorting out life. I am not ready for this part of my journey to change paths but it is. I need to focus, to make sure that I am just turning a corner and not driving into a ditch (last week I was sure I needed to be backed over several times & left there). Tomorrow is the first day of school for my two youngest boys. I will have a junior and a senior in high school. I will ask for God's guidance to help them be their best. I have an amazing gift that every parent is given. The gift is the ability to watch a young life unfold and take form. That is something to be watched with a smile and trusted unto our Father. I will have to have faith and enjoy my senior and all his excitement in moving on to become a young man of God. I will also trust that same faith that my junior will also excel in his school year and do amazing things. May all parents who will sending children off into the world, be it kindergarten through college; pray for each other to enjoy the journey, have faith and to watch and make sure each others yokes don't become to heavy. I will leave you with words from Romans 1:12. ~" I'm eager to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours. In this way, each of us will be a blessing to the other"~ Thanks to my friends for letting me see their yoke; you never know who will be watching.
Copyright © 2011-2012 Micheline Edwards
All rights reserved to by Micheline Edwards

Toddlers, Tea & Trust

I have spent a good portion of my adult life counseling parents on all the little details that occur in the first few years of parenthood. I have discussed and taught about pregnancy, delivery, breastfeeding and all the other concerns that occur during the first 2 years of parenting. A lot of what most new parents need is justification that there is a concern and reassurance that it will get better. I have always been better at sorting out problems and solutions for others, than myself. I used to always tell these new parents that sometimes in the circus of life you are just to close to the arena to actually see what is occurring in center ring. I remember many years ago a moment that shattered my "it will get better, have faith speech" that I always gave new parents. I worked from home and also home educated my 5 children. The older children knew if Mommy had a client that they were to go upstairs and play quietly for a bit and keep the younger children entertained. The rule also had an unspoken addition that unless somebody was bleeding to death or the house was on fire, don't bug mom till her client is out the door. This worked very well and usually once or twice a day the children got a 20-30 minute "recess" that they were quite happy about. The young lady I was meeting with this particular day had been to see me twice since the birth of her son. She had also paid a visit to her physician who sent her back to me (I was at the time a board certified lactation counselor). I met her at the door, she was in tears before her feet got over the threshold. She colasped onto my couch and announced that at 2 weeks into her parenting career she was failing. She sat there sobbing & explaining. I assumed correctly that the "breastfeeding thing" still wasn't all "magic and love" just yet. About this time one of my older children peeked down the staircase and said,"Mom, I need to tell you something" I replied, "in a bit okay?" to which the child vanished. Back to the young mother on my couch. I examined the situation. Her nipples were cracked, the baby wouldn't latch on properly, her pediatrician had just diagnosed both the baby and herself with yeast infection 2 days ago and to top all this off her nipples were not just cracked or bleeding. I honestly thought they looked like one of them was going to just fall off. While handing her a tissue I happened to look up. A different child was at the top of the stairs flagging my attention with waving arms. I excused myself for a second and went over to ask what they needed. Again I was told "Mom, we need to show you something". This time in a somewhat wiser fashion(or so I thought) I asked, "is anybody hurt?" The answer was no. At that point I asked if it could wait just a few minutes more? A nod was given and the child went back upstairs. I went back to my client proceeded to get her some breastfeeding "gadgets" to help with the sore nipples. Then I went on my classic chat " about how this will get better". Sometimes as parents we just don't see the end in sight and we get really overwhelmed. We also discussed that all the breastfeeding posters made it look like "God, sent us instructions". In reality we didn't get anything but the "tools" to make it work. Breastfeeding was a learning process for both the parent and the infant. As I was telling her that most of parenting was like this; I heard my daughter call from the stairs.... "Mooooooo..mmm". "What", I asked becoming a little annoyed (it had been less than 20 min. since I had answered the door)? She asked me if the boys had told me what was going on? I replied no, but my wheels were now spinning. Before I could imagine anything worse than what was actually happening, she blurted out in her usual "mother hen" voice(being the only girl she appointed herself "mom's assistant" years before) "Well.. I just want you to know that I told the boys that there should not be a tea party but they let him do it anyway". Proceeding a a faster rate of speech she began to add details. "Mom, one of the little boys has taken the WHOLE little table and ALL 4 chairs AND all HER dishes (she was now running like a steam engine) and the stuffed animals (I heard a giggle from the young mother on the couch) and the cookies she gave him ...AND was out on the roof! She then slowed down and very methodically added again, for effect... "with ALL her dishes! At this moment I vividly remember I should be panicking. Instead, I calmly turned to the young mother and told her I would back in a minute. I went up retrieved the 3 year old child who had removed the storm window and climbed out onto the flat roof outside his bedroom (If you know us you will know who this was. Yes, he was 3 and did this in less than 15 minutes time). Followed by instructing him to stay put. I climbed through the window myself and sorta threw everything back inside into a heap. Closing the window grabbed the child in question and informed the others that "nobody had been given permission to play outside". I have know idea why I even said this, it just seemed like a good way to cover my bases. I came to the bottom of the stairs apologizing profusely to my client, she hung up her phone and smiled. She looked at me as I stood there before her with an angry toddler under my arm (I had broken up his party). I was feeling embarrassment and failure. I mustered up a smile. She then replied that she would be fine now and had to go. As I closed the door behind her, I hung my head. I was sure that my counseling days were over and that the department of social services would be there shortly for my children. Two weeks later the young mom stopped by my house very unexpectedly. I was assuming she was just ID "ing" me for the DFS. As I opened the door she stepped in and handed me an envelope and thanked me for the help. Her breasts were better and breastfeeding was actually going really well. I asked what had finally worked. She replied it was her husbands words to her on the phone, as she sat on my couch that day 2 weeks ago. I looked at her and asked what he had said. She smiled and said that he told her if I could retrieve a toddler, a picnic table, 4 chairs etc etc from the roof as swiftly as I did and still manage to help them that they could do anything. I stood there speechless. Her husband had actually been in the driveway watching with amusement as my 3 year old set up his party and then as several others had tackled pulled and prodded him to come in. He had told her that there would be bigger mountains to move and to just have faith. She gave me a hug and left. I opened the envelope, it was a thank-you note and a gift certificate for dinner which read, enjoy a quiet dinner with your husband but maybe not on the roof. This past week was one of those that tested my faith and my parenting. My husband was the one this time who told me to have faith. Even though most of the time we know this, when we are in the middle of turmoil we just don't advise ourselves to always follow this advice. Have faith in HIS plan for you, for our heavenly Father will not put before you anything which HE already does not have knowledge that you can handle. There were many days when the young child in this story tested my faith. Sometimes I was at the end of my rope and a ray of sunshine from above would restore peace in my life. He is almost grown and now we laugh together about all the stunts he pulled. When we do this I am reminded as humans we don't always have the ability to see beyond what is right in front of us. Sometimes we need to humble ourselves and lay before HIM, trusting that things will be okay. The day I sat with that young mother on my couch I was humbled and embarrassed about what had happened; yet there I was, unknowingly an example of faith through the everyday. Pray everyday for guidance and wear your yoke with a smile: you never know who may be watching you.
Copyright © 2011-2012 Micheline Edwards
All rights reserved to by Micheline Edwards

Barn Cats & Naked Ladies (of course this will get your attention :)

This morning I got up and went out to water the garden and pull weeds from our front flower bed before the temp soared from a comfortable 90+ to a less desirable 100+. While out there one of our barn cats was weaving in and out of my hands as I pulled weeds. I petted him; he continued. I picked him up (risking hairy pajamas, we have no neighbors close by sooo... yes, I was in my pj's) he was relentless. Every time I reached for anything I had a cat laying on my hand. After several shoves and now ignoring him the best I could I was done pulling weeds. I turned on the garden sprinkler and started inside. About this time I stopped to admire in awe a patch of naked ladies that had mysteriously come up and bloomed over by our statue of Mary. If you are not familiar with these lilies they are a green leafy plant in spring and then they appear to die. After many weeks they miraculously reappear in what seems to me to be the most perfect moments and places. They are all but forgotten about and then there they are. I stood there admiring these flowers. I thought our chickens had destroyed them. As I stood there the cat continued to "talk" to me and weave in and out of my legs. I finally sat down at the picnic table. I sat there & thought about the time I fell in love with these magic pink lilies. I was pregnant with our third child & had been on bed rest for weeks. I was a little depressed about the situation and allowed to get up only for the restroom and a 10min shower once a day. I used my "restroom trips" to their fullest. I remember getting up one morning and these lovely pink flowers were peaking in my window just above the sill where nothing had been the day before. They filled me with joy for the remainder of their stay there. I could not be outside (I am a very outside person) they came to me right when I needed them. So began, and there is no better way to put it; "my love affair with naked ladies". Back to the cat. Yes, he was still there, rubbing and annoying me at an an ever increasing rate. Finally, I went inside leaving him and his furry backside outdoors. I got in poured some coffee and mentioned the lilies to my daughter and youngest son who were now eating banana bread at the kitchen counter. I sipped my coffee, sliced a piece of bread for myself and sat down. Just then it occurred to me. The cat wanted to be fed!!!! oops. I got up went down and poured some food in his bowl. His other two barn roomies gathered at the dish as well. How patient he had been while I became annoyed with his gestures of affection. How calmly he had remained by my side as I ignored him and pushed him away. He only wanted to be fed. There are many things in our life that need to be "fed", sometimes we just don't recognize it. Some things often become big nuisances when all they really need is a little tending to. I was again outside and I walked back over to admire the pink lilies. Something from nothing. A touch of beauty where yesterday, nothing existed. How many times in life do we ignore the kind & subtle nudges we get from God and others who care about us? How many times has our Lord's presence & HIS ability to take nothing and help us to make something; passed up because we just don't understand or "listen". Humans have evolved so much that sometimes we lose our ability to appreciate the simple or to trust our instincts. We should open our hearts to the quiet, listen to the strength of touch and pray for peace and understanding in our lives. Beauty and grace are all around us, if we look. Sometimes they spring from nothing in unexpected places and other times they are there annoying us like our barn cat and just need tending to. Listen to the things around you, not just the audible but the inaudible as well. You may be amazed at what Our Lord lays at your feet.
Copyright © 2011-2012 Micheline Edwards
All rights reserved to by Micheline Edwards

Free gas & entitlement

A few days ago I went in to prepay for some gas; I always tend to pump more than I wanted. I stood there in line with my money and waited. When I got up to the register I had forgotten which pump my car was at. I'd like to call this short term memory loss but probably my mind used this patch of time to collect some other task. As I looked out to double check the pump number I turned to the cashier and commented something about making sure I had it on the right pump. He nodded, I jokingly replied, "Although I am sure the next guy would appreciate it if I put it on the wrong pump". I heard the young man behind the register utter a profound statement. His words rang clearly as he said, "Probably not". At this point I was the one nodding and went on about my business. I kept hearing these words though out the day and over the weekend. I pondered if someone would really appreciate this mishap if it occurred. I toyed with going and just leaving a prepaid amount on a pump and stalking the next guy who showed up but this of course (in my mind anyway) proved a bit tedious and creepy. So I spent the last few days people watching if you will on my own. Some of this was easy as the "test units" were all to obvious to spot, other times not so much. I came to a disturbing observation. Most of us don't appreciate what we have, where we are at in life or how we got there. We see this most often new babies who at their most infantile stage in life simply want what they want without the ability to care how it got there. We see this in older children and teens who want what they see or what their friends have without regard to who worked hard to provide it, often times being more than ungracious when their whims are not met. Teens and young adults do you think about how possible the things you have would be without your parents, and God? Most uncomfortable is when we see it in adults who are with out care or concern over who provided for them. I know most adults reading this are thinking well, "I provide for myself". Do you really? Oh sure most of us work bring home the bacon and fry it up and then watch our lives revolve around us. Do we ever look around at who enables us to to accomplish this? The little guy who buys our products, the co worker that prepared the spread sheets, the boss who employed us, our parents, the farmer who grew our food or even the person who might if we were in dire straights supply the food pantry. How about the rain that waters the crops, our health that allows us to go to our jobs and our family & friends who support guide and hold our hands when we can't always do for ourselves. These things and people are all part of who makes us who we are and able to provide for ourselves. We can not control what they provide or how they provide it. We frequently don't even care; we just want. We want the clothes, the car, the event, the toys, or the free gas and we are entitled to it. We live in a society of entitlement and it is hard to separate the; "I deserve this" from the "I am in awe of God's abundance". If I had left the gas pump with a free fill up would the next person really have appreciated it or would they have just taken without giving thanks? I really don't know. I would like to think we live in a "pay it forward" society but alas I have discovered we don't. It would be nice to see Gods mercy at work and find the guy at the pump with the free gas buying the next guy's gas or dropping off a donation at the food pantry or even taking a friend to lunch that might need a break. Heck, I would be in awe if the guy with the free gas even offered a cup of coffee to someone. Would he stop to even pray a word of thanks if the cash he didn't need to spend on gas was needed in his own life? If his need was met would he reach out to another. It is nice to know however that there is one person who always plays by the "pay it forward" rules. What a great man he is. Thank you God for all that I have and am. I am not sure we say thank you enough and really mean it. For ALL that we have is from you and part of your plan. Today if you read this, try paying it forward and saying or showing gratitude to those around you and to HIM.

Copyright © 2011-2012 Micheline Edwards
All rights reserved to by Micheline Edwards