I have spent a good portion of my adult life counseling parents on all the little details that occur in the first few years of parenthood. I have discussed and taught about pregnancy, delivery, breastfeeding and all the other concerns that occur during the first 2 years of parenting. A lot of what most new parents need is justification that there is a concern and reassurance that it will get better. I have always been better at sorting out problems and solutions for others, than myself. I used to always tell these new parents that sometimes in the circus of life you are just to close to the arena to actually see what is occurring in center ring. I remember many years ago a moment that shattered my "it will get better, have faith speech" that I always gave new parents. I worked from home and also home educated my 5 children. The older children knew if Mommy had a client that they were to go upstairs and play quietly for a bit and keep the younger children entertained. The rule also had an unspoken addition that unless somebody was bleeding to death or the house was on fire, don't bug mom till her client is out the door. This worked very well and usually once or twice a day the children got a 20-30 minute "recess" that they were quite happy about. The young lady I was meeting with this particular day had been to see me twice since the birth of her son. She had also paid a visit to her physician who sent her back to me (I was at the time a board certified lactation counselor). I met her at the door, she was in tears before her feet got over the threshold. She colasped onto my couch and announced that at 2 weeks into her parenting career she was failing. She sat there sobbing & explaining. I assumed correctly that the "breastfeeding thing" still wasn't all "magic and love" just yet. About this time one of my older children peeked down the staircase and said,"Mom, I need to tell you something" I replied, "in a bit okay?" to which the child vanished. Back to the young mother on my couch. I examined the situation. Her nipples were cracked, the baby wouldn't latch on properly, her pediatrician had just diagnosed both the baby and herself with yeast infection 2 days ago and to top all this off her nipples were not just cracked or bleeding. I honestly thought they looked like one of them was going to just fall off. While handing her a tissue I happened to look up. A different child was at the top of the stairs flagging my attention with waving arms. I excused myself for a second and went over to ask what they needed. Again I was told "Mom, we need to show you something". This time in a somewhat wiser fashion(or so I thought) I asked, "is anybody hurt?" The answer was no. At that point I asked if it could wait just a few minutes more? A nod was given and the child went back upstairs. I went back to my client proceeded to get her some breastfeeding "gadgets" to help with the sore nipples. Then I went on my classic chat " about how this will get better". Sometimes as parents we just don't see the end in sight and we get really overwhelmed. We also discussed that all the breastfeeding posters made it look like "God, sent us instructions". In reality we didn't get anything but the "tools" to make it work. Breastfeeding was a learning process for both the parent and the infant. As I was telling her that most of parenting was like this; I heard my daughter call from the stairs.... "Mooooooo..mmm". "What", I asked becoming a little annoyed (it had been less than 20 min. since I had answered the door)? She asked me if the boys had told me what was going on? I replied no, but my wheels were now spinning. Before I could imagine anything worse than what was actually happening, she blurted out in her usual "mother hen" voice(being the only girl she appointed herself "mom's assistant" years before) "Well.. I just want you to know that I told the boys that there should not be a tea party but they let him do it anyway". Proceeding a a faster rate of speech she began to add details. "Mom, one of the little boys has taken the WHOLE little table and ALL 4 chairs AND all HER dishes (she was now running like a steam engine) and the stuffed animals (I heard a giggle from the young mother on the couch) and the cookies she gave him ...AND was out on the roof! She then slowed down and very methodically added again, for effect... "with ALL her dishes! At this moment I vividly remember I should be panicking. Instead, I calmly turned to the young mother and told her I would back in a minute. I went up retrieved the 3 year old child who had removed the storm window and climbed out onto the flat roof outside his bedroom (If you know us you will know who this was. Yes, he was 3 and did this in less than 15 minutes time). Followed by instructing him to stay put. I climbed through the window myself and sorta threw everything back inside into a heap. Closing the window grabbed the child in question and informed the others that "nobody had been given permission to play outside". I have know idea why I even said this, it just seemed like a good way to cover my bases. I came to the bottom of the stairs apologizing profusely to my client, she hung up her phone and smiled. She looked at me as I stood there before her with an angry toddler under my arm (I had broken up his party). I was feeling embarrassment and failure. I mustered up a smile. She then replied that she would be fine now and had to go. As I closed the door behind her, I hung my head. I was sure that my counseling days were over and that the department of social services would be there shortly for my children. Two weeks later the young mom stopped by my house very unexpectedly. I was assuming she was just ID "ing" me for the DFS. As I opened the door she stepped in and handed me an envelope and thanked me for the help. Her breasts were better and breastfeeding was actually going really well. I asked what had finally worked. She replied it was her husbands words to her on the phone, as she sat on my couch that day 2 weeks ago. I looked at her and asked what he had said. She smiled and said that he told her if I could retrieve a toddler, a picnic table, 4 chairs etc etc from the roof as swiftly as I did and still manage to help them that they could do anything. I stood there speechless. Her husband had actually been in the driveway watching with amusement as my 3 year old set up his party and then as several others had tackled pulled and prodded him to come in. He had told her that there would be bigger mountains to move and to just have faith. She gave me a hug and left. I opened the envelope, it was a thank-you note and a gift certificate for dinner which read, enjoy a quiet dinner with your husband but maybe not on the roof. This past week was one of those that tested my faith and my parenting. My husband was the one this time who told me to have faith. Even though most of the time we know this, when we are in the middle of turmoil we just don't advise ourselves to always follow this advice. Have faith in HIS plan for you, for our heavenly Father will not put before you anything which HE already does not have knowledge that you can handle. There were many days when the young child in this story tested my faith. Sometimes I was at the end of my rope and a ray of sunshine from above would restore peace in my life. He is almost grown and now we laugh together about all the stunts he pulled. When we do this I am reminded as humans we don't always have the ability to see beyond what is right in front of us. Sometimes we need to humble ourselves and lay before HIM, trusting that things will be okay. The day I sat with that young mother on my couch I was humbled and embarrassed about what had happened; yet there I was, unknowingly an example of faith through the everyday. Pray everyday for guidance and wear your yoke with a smile: you never know who may be watching you.
Copyright © 2011-2012 Micheline Edwards
All rights reserved to by Micheline Edwards
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