It has been a while since I have had time to sit down and collect my thoughts. My daughter's approaching wedding has had an endearing hold on the family. Our middle son surprised us by asking his girlfriend to be his "forever love" this past weekend. So much excitement for sure. My daughter in law "to be" announced as she approached me with her ring, "You get to keep me!". We are thrilled. Our daughter is winding down her planning. In about two weeks she will finalize the next step in her life; to be her fiance's "help meet" for the rest of her adult life. I used the words "help meet" (meet not mate) because that is what a spouse is. Someone to help you through life, to share the good, the bad and to meet you halfway (or beyond if needed). To always be there for you. I learned this term a few years ago from a book I read by Debi Pearl ("Created to be his Help Meet"; highly recommend...it will be a "love it, hate it, read). Our society has this image perpetuated by media and unrealistic ideas of how marriage should be. Our girls are brought up with fairy tale dreams of a prince on a white horse (or nice sports car) and moving into the castle with a white picket fence(or a 4bd/3bth on the upper east side)and living happily ever after. Have you ever noticed that there aren't many accounts of what actually happens in that castle after the very unrealistic wedding ceremony where everybody in the land comes and wishes them well? You know when "princie boy" breaks great grandma's china accidentally or "princess" dents the sports car etc...Probably because it might have a way of turning "Prince Charming or Cinderella" into a real person. Reality isn't always fun or pretty. Momma never told me that a prince could have gas, leave his dirty dishes on the floor, not mow the lawn, snore and leave the lid up or forget to pay a bills. Daddy never tells his sons, your princess will sometimes have razor sharp barbs on her legs, not always cook you dinner, buy lots of shoes (more than anyone could ever wear) spend your paycheck on unnecessary kitchen & bath things, or she will turn into a witch once a month. Parents also don't tell their children that married life is an amazing journey to be compared with non other (except maybe parenting) but that it is riddled along the way with a hefty dose of budgeting, eating things you never thought would grace your table and the melting of two families into one. They never tell their children how hard it is to sometimes agree on everything from breakfast & spanking, to religion & politics. The subjects of your spouse may die, cheat (yes, it happens), lose/quit their jobs or not be who you thought is rarely discussed at the "pre" wedded bliss celebrations. "Learning to forgive 101" should be mandatory for all newlyweds. Mothers rarely have the "birds and bees" discussion (which by the way; this info can be easily obtained.) Whats all the hype about this and not the important stuff? Our society brings this up regularly. This subject is joked about and talked about all the time. What about the topic of what happens after the fairy tale wedding, the princess dress & honeymoon, when a few years later you can't pay your gas bill? This folks is real, it happens. It is not like every married person hasn't wakened up next to their spouse from time to time (or for extended periods of time) and said to themselves, "I am thinking my spouse would look better in a paper bag on a shelf today" or "WHO is this person in my bed?". What then makes us want to be married? Why do we encourage our children, friends, siblings and even parents to marry? The obvious answer according to today's media, would most likely be because we all have a fairy tale we want to come true. But what is the root of this continuously recreated scenario of illusion? Is it ignorance? Lack of adequate material that says, "Whoa!!!" "Why in heaven's name would you want to spend your life with a hairy, snoring person who will make you at times hate him/her and sometimes make you question your sanity? Why? I don't KNOW why but I "believe" this. The first reason is that we "DO BELIEVE". We all want to have faith that someone is there for us, no matter what. We all want a shoulder there when we need it. None of us want to be alone, like it or not we are "pack animals". We need help in our day to day lives; even if we don't always like that help or want it. Everybody wants someone who will be brutally honest to the point of sometimes causing your emotions to overheat; it makes us think deeply about the cares/ideas of others. Ladies you don't want to hear it, but you all know that if the dress makes your butt look big; wouldn't you rather have someone who loves you unconditionally say so before you go out in public in it? When you are sick, troubled, grieving or can't figure out finances isn't easier to share that load with someone who you love? The list could go on and on... as Christians we are taught the importance of sharing the load. Why do we get married? is it the $5000 white dress? the 2 carat ring? the perfect kids(a topic for later discussion Lol)? having eye candy that your sorority sisters envy on your arm? to change your status quo? Happiness for ever and always (not happening). I hope not any of these. If your reasons for marriage are OR were placed in those previous categories: You have been sold a bridge in the dessert. You have bought the lie that society has sold you and at a very high price; you will pay dearly for it again and again. Marriage is a sacred institution not to be entered into lightly, it is to be guarded by both parties. You are bound by God and held in HIS hands during the entire journey. You should be prepared to love, honor and cherish your spouse no matter what he or she looks like or does. You may be angry or even feel hatred at times, that is human nature; work through it. Your reward??? Why do we do it??? Because; next to our relationship with God this will be our most sacred union in life. Your spouse will be the one who holds your hand, walks by your side and is there more years than just about anybody in your life (even your parents and children sometimes). He or she will know and be guarded with your most intimate secrets and share your joys. Marriage is hard it is not an Ozzie and Harriet scene it is life at it's best if you know what is ahead of you. Life in the "castle" can be grand but not the type of grandeur our society tells us it is. It is better.
Copyright © 2011-2012 Micheline Edwards
All rights reserved to by Micheline Edwards
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