Mother's Summer's and Time

Mother’s, Summer’s and Time. May is the month in our faith where we honor our holy mother Mary and mothers everywhere. We celebrate the hard choices and sometimes tough days a mother puts in. We pray for thankfulness for our mothers and for Mary our heavenly Mother. Mother’s Day was yesterday and the end of the school year is fast approaching. When my children were small Mother’s Day was one of those days I would always wish for a much anticipated break. I was so tired. We frequently would spend the day taking the children to Worlds of Fun; a tradition that started when we lived up in northern Missouri. We were a young family and funds were tight. The amusement park would always offer “Mom’s get in free” on Mother’s Day. So it was the “best little vacation” we could afford (Bonus, our only child at the time, got in free). As we added children the trips continued and became a much expected family time. We moved back home and the drive was long (now 4 hours) but we still tried to go at least once a year. It was so much fun but so much stress and work for my husband and I to take all five peeps on this or any other excursion. Mother’s Day was awesome but hardly quiet or restful! School letting out for the summer always provoked comments from friends such as “only a few more days of quiet, then the kids will be home all summer”. In our house this wasn't the case as our children were already home, because we chose to home educate. During the school year we had a set routine and schedule we tried to follow during the day so the “I’m bored” and “what are we going to do today” were kept at bay. Keeping this schedule was often tiring. At the end of the day I was worn out from being Mom, teacher, housekeeper, cafeteria lady and sometimes the principal (although I did attempt to push the last one off on my husband whenever possible’ haha). I often would get dinner on the table just in time to leave to go teach classes or deliver a baby (which more often than not involved being up all night). When summer rolled around I was relieved we could plan our “Field Trip Friday” any day of the week or just do nothing during the day. I cherished those hot lazy afternoons. The children sometimes got cranky or whiny but from the years that had already gone by I was realizing just how fast time flies with parenthood. The children returning to school would have parents counting down the days till the house was quiet again. Not me; my house would not be quiet in fall nor would it be empty. Maybe more structured, busier, but always anticipated. As the children returned to routines we would also with five children load up on the biggest dose of little league style sports ever. Oh my how we wished for a weekend without 8-10 soccer games! There were some weekends we simply prayed that all the kids actually played in the same town so we didn't have to manage two car loads going 2-3 hours away in different directions. Sometimes we even ended up sending a third child with a friend in yet another direction. The past few years have slowly wound this pattern in life down for us. The last school or extracurricular activity we will ever attend as parents was this past weekend. What will we do with open weekends this fall! I am sure we will; or our now college age children, will come up with some amazing time fillers. What mother or father doesn't yearn for some peace and quiet? This Mother’s Day four of our five children were away from home. The one child home did manage to fill our home with the joy and the laughter of several teens. We hosted the post prom party and several stayed till well after breakfast and into Mother’s day. Quiet no, different yes. Later in the day as we sat down to dinner just my husband, my son and I; it was quiet. Not sure how I feel about this yet (haha). When I used to teach parenting classes we would talk about those first precious weeks. I would tell the new mothers that they would dream of sleep if only they could actually get some sleep! I would tell them how they would get up in the morning and sit in a bathrobe nursing/rocking a baby. As the day would go along they would be doing much of the same. At some point they would be dreaming of a hot shower (as a parent, you often don't get one... even when the day is done). At the end of the day you will be found still in your bathrobe in a rocking chair and without a shower. You will try to rationalize this with yourself and even attempt to explain to your husband or others why this occurred. You sat all day or so it seemed. Somebody did make dinner, do the dishes, care for the baby, wash tons of baby laundry and maybe even “gasp” leave the house in their disheveled condition (you knew you smelled like spit up and sour milk but had to go)! You know you did do something besides sit in a rocking chair and change diapers; but what you’re so tired your mind draws a blank. During times like this and others throughout parenthood we often think, “will I ever get to sleep in or shower” (and other things we dream of getting done). You settle into this routine and take it for granted. Suddenly you get up one morning and go to hold and rock your baby and he crawls off your lap. You pick him up and he screams to get down. At first you are excited. You get that “hot” cup of coffee you were yearning for and sit down. Joy ensues when there is more in you, than on you for the first time in weeks or months! You finish the coffee and pick up the baby. The earlier situation repeats; in that one instant you know just how special (trying for sure but…) precious those fleeting moments of parenthood really are. These types of moments will repeat themselves over and over. Some parents learn faster than others and quickly begin to savor every moment. Other parents don’t ever really get it till their children are grown and yet a scant few will never get it. How sad for them. I always told the new mothers it will seem as though this phase (the rocking chair stage) will never end but in reality it ends all too soon. Don’t ever pass up a moment when you can do something with your child. There will be lots of time later when they are grown when you may be alone and in the quiet. On those days you will wish you could enjoy your child’s voice in your home. You will want the noisy family trip on Mother’s Day and maybe even give anything to know that school will be out in a few days and those noisy, sticky, dirty little (or large) feet will be running a muck through your home. Older people especially grandparents know this life lesson well. How blessed you and your children will be to learn it early. How sad it is to have a child overhear a parent say “I dread summer vacation with the kids’ home all summer”. We always try to plan a special something when school gets out, even if just an ice cream date the first day of summer. I will be taking my high school senior on his “last” (although I hope it won’t be) “summer vacation kick off ice cream date” next week; I can’t wait! Let your child know you cherish the months ahead with them. They will in return cherish you. Copyright 2013 Micheline Edwards The photo of me and the baby, is me on my First Mother's day with my oldest son. The photo of the grown man handing a baby frog to the little boy is my oldest with his son sharing a simple moment. The others are some things we have enjoyed in summers past. Activities don't need to be expensive or complicated your children just want to "DO....... WITH YOU".

Tests, Graduations and Good Things

I was at home this morning sorting out the week’s calendar, calls and correspondence. I believe I had one, two or three cups of coffee too many and my brain went into overdrive. We have so much on our approaching calendar and so much to be thankful for. We will be celebrating with two of our five children this month as they attend their respective graduations. We have one high school graduate and one college graduate. There is also an “unspoken sort of graduate” approaching as well. I am graduating from having young children in my home. All of our children will be (after this month) either in college or beyond. This doesn't represent the end of parenting but like a high school or college graduation it represents a lot of changes/choices I will need to be making in my life this year. Two of our children are still living at home (while they attend their first couple of years of college). When they are at the house I hope to be there also, to share their lives, their joys, their concerns and the daily jumble of things they encounter. Alas, I also know that at their ages these sharing sessions are different and also come at weird times; midnight, two in the afternoon, when they are hungry (lots of boys!) or a having a crisis. The sharing is not always the breakfast, bedtime or commute conversation we had when they were smaller. There are times when they will want to take a walk and talk; or give me a call to share a special moment. For these treasured times I am very blessed. As parents we spend so much time living both through and with our children that as they grow we have a hard time separating our lives from theirs. I am not sure there is ever a true separation. I would hardly consider myself an empty nester. I am neither sad nor in mental turmoil over this change. I am in awe at the lively, beautiful, and Godly young adults before me. I am so proud of them. I can’t wait to see what they decide to do with their futures and how they shape and mold their own families as they marry and begin those chapters as well. Like a teacher at the end of the school year; this is the close of one year and the anticipation of the next. Most educators find joy in seeing their students in later years and hearing of the wonderful journeys they have taken. I have been my children’s teacher, mentor, friend and parent for most of my adult life. Now it is time to decide my new chapter. Returning to school, working, improving my business, hobbies, trips, dates with the love of my life, enjoying grandchildren and being active in my children’s lives are still all on the activity wheel of life. When we view being a parent before we are actually one, we seem to think that there is a clear cut break when the children move on. When we are actually parents we then look at the milestones; “When Jack is out of diapers”, “when Susie starts school”, “when we don’t need a sitter anymore”, “when Amy starts driving”, “when Mark graduates”. Well folks, I have passed a lot of “whens” and I have to tell you there is always going to be another “when” waiting if you are an involved parent that loves your child(ren). This is however a time in every parent’s life when the “whens” and the “I can take a different route” come together. I haven’t decided what route that is going to be. I know it needs to lead somewhere and I have several destinations I am entertaining; but none of them seem to be jumping up and down and waving at me. None of my choices are hanging on my pants leg whining or sticking their fingers under the bathroom door saying they need me. I am not used to choosing without a squeaky (although always precious) wheel or a school calendar dictating for me. There are times when prayer is the best answer and this is one of those times. As graduation approaches for my children, for my friend’s children, for my friends who’s “whens” are diminishing and for my own self I pray. ~ “Dear heavenly Father may you look upon all those graduating onward to new adventure in life and grant them these blessings; May their weeks, months and years ahead become a molding of the future they envision. Guide them with peace and direction so that each and every one of them on their continued journeys finds joy, happiness and grace in what they choose. May they search in prayer for your will and guidance in each decision they make. Lord may you walk beside them always and hold their hands when needed and grant them bright futures” Amen.” ~ While there is no grand “Umf” to this post, there is a message to move forward in life with purpose, grace and prayers for wisdom in your choices. Sometimes the choices we make in life are simple and sometimes like hearing God when he speaks to us; answers to choices are not easily seen or heard. I will look forward to the coming busy calendar days this month with glad heart (and a little stress). I will hope and pray that the choices I make and those my children make serve God, themselves and those they love and care about with purpose and joy. “Test all things, hold fast to what is good” ~1 Thessalonians 5:21. I will hold fast to family and what is good. I will also test all the new things coming into my life and hope that everyone does the same. Congratulations to all those who are graduating on to new and wonderful things this spring! Copyright Micheline Edwards 2013