Satisfaction Guaranteed

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you: I will take your heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh” ~ Ezekiel 36:26 “I just spent the afternoon cleaning & baking” (“must be nice”) , “I would love to help with that” (“ I would but I’ve got a life”), “ I just had my best morning at the gym” (“someone has too much spare time”), “look what I did!!!” (“When I retire”), “Would you like to go to lunch?” (“no money, not working; this mommy puts her kiddos first”; snicker, snicker). Why do we as women do these things to each other: why are we so snide? I too have been guilty and probably will be again. In the moment when a friend expresses joy: maybe we haven’t quite had a stellar day, week or month our first response is to sarcastically tear down the happiness of someone else. Why can’t we embrace that a friend got to spend the day baking, wants to help, got to work out, did something wonderful or wants to spend time with us? I guess we are on a deeper level, usually happy for our friends. Why can’t our initial response be one of grace (I know THAT word again). Why can’t we just smile and say “awesome, way to go, I’d love too, please and thank you”. Because we are human, we want what we don’t/can’t have and we want what we see even if it never crossed our minds before that moment. Are we any better than our three year old self? I would like to think that 20, 30, 40, 50+ years of living and even being the recipient of such responses would have taught us to stop. Did you really sit around all day yesterday thinking “wow, I really wish I could spend all day baking and cleaning”? Probably on most days you did not. Did you actually want to go to lunch but it just wasn't in your budget? Or was there some other reason? Why would you word your response (and so quickly too; like we have hate waiting to roll off the tongue) so that it stings another? Jealously… Yes, I said it we are all jealous creatures despite our best efforts. We covet stuff, we emulate others and get angry when we are copied (flattery you say…phsst nobody likes it but we all do it). Why? Well partly because we are human and partly due to our need to fit in and to create images of how things should be in our perfect world. The world is rarely perfect and like the T.V. images we see and know are not real: often ‘the show” in our head is not either. It never occurs to us that our friend who spent the day cooking and cleaning was worn out and maybe she was stocking up meals for next week because her life wasn’t perfect either. When our friend says she cooked and cleaned all day; we see June Cleaver not a tired mom in a bath robe all day struggling with 3 kids and a part time job trying to get ahead. Maybe your friend did have a great day, we should be so grounded to rejoice in her achievement, alas most of the time we are not. We all want that perfect image we see in our head and when we hear something that sounds like someone else has it all together while we are struggling our first response is usually to tear them down. We are jealous, hurts to admit it doesn’t it? We covet our neighbors successes, we all want clean houses, the perfect daytime job (be it motherhood or corporate), time at the gym or to go to lunch, to volunteer and help others and to have a great meal on the table at the end of the day. When we fall short of our visions we become insecure and insecurity breeds contempt. With contempt and jealousy in our lives we are not gracious or thankful for our own world; all we see is greener pastures. This month is November, a time when most of us are going to say we are thankful for what we have. I am challenging my friends to not just say but to show their thankfulness. Be kind in your words; tell your friends (or those not your friends) how wonderful what they did really is. Tell someone how amazing it is that they are here, how beautiful they are or how valuable their time is. Hug someone, show support and kindness to each other. Tell your friend you are so happy for their accomplishments even if you didn’t reach your goal that day. Before you tear down your friend without thinking say “Wow, you are great I am so thankful for you”. Find your gracious side and it will come back to you in abundance. In my last post I wrote about using grace as a road to navigate life. Your road becomes gold when you do not steal from others but add to their journey. Micheline Edwards copyright 2014 “I have learned to be satisfied with the things I have and with everything that happens. I know how to live when I am poor and I know how to live when I have plenty. I have learned the secret of being happy at any time in everything that happens...I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength. ~Philippians 4:11-13

Motherhood (Parenthood), Tangles and Grace

Almost 30 years ago this week my life changed forever. Okay to be fair that actually occurred approximately nine months prior to being handed a tiny bundle. Becoming a parent happened during some moment of unsuspecting activity that unannounced to me at the time would forever continually change the way I viewed everything the rest of my life. This change in my status would steer every decision I would make; every dollar I would spend, every breath I took and quite frankly cause me to consider not just myself but how my actions would impact others in my life. I seriously underestimated that the steering wheel for life as I knew it was now on auto pilot but yet I would somehow be responsible even if I didn't purposely drive in to the storm. Like Mary who said "yes" to God, when he presented her with the proposition of motherhood. Mary could not have even imagined where her life was going. We as parents we have no idea what ride awaits us. I often find myself thinking about where I am in life and where I am going and sitting here in a tiny airport in Fargo North Dakota while waiting for a delayed flight gave me plenty of time to ponder this. Most of my journey so far has been largely made up of being a caregiver. Even as a teen I spent many hours doing childcare, driving siblings, shopping for or transporting my mother and then moving directly on to parenthood. Time spent on what I wanted vs what others needed was always a collision in my head; a set of compromises. Life is full of these instances at every turn (even if you are not a parent), learning to manage what you want out of life while still being gracious and caring for others thoughts, dreams and needs. Often our dreams are not met; the ideal visions in our minds are not what life deals us. So often in life we are driving along see a fork in the road and even with our best efforts to go one way; a higher power grabs our wheel and takes us another direction down an unknown dirt road. Dirt roads are messy; there is dust, noise, our hair gets blown into tangles and it can sometimes be boring. Sometimes there is a party at the end and often it is just a long drive with another turn coming. Often dirt roads are like life when we look back and the dust settles we realize that the ride was a beautiful drive and we wish we had driven slower and enjoyed the smells, the grit in our teeth and the breeze in our hair. I had the interesting privilege to attend a moms group this week. I use the words interesting because, I have attended many of these meetings over the years and this proved to be an interesting and enlightening experience. Interesting was a key word this time. This time I was simply a guest, a fly on the wall but with a voice. I was the mother who wasn't changing diapers, cleaning toys and struggling with identity. I sat there and listened to the voices in the room but was hearing myself as a younger mother. Hearing the struggles I often thought were due to my lack of options; yes moms often feel trapped even if they love their children. Hearing words that I would have uttered not so long ago. Sitting there I wanted to scream, to tell these young women to savor every mess they cleaned, every tear they wiped and to stop second guessing their choices and decisions. I wanted them to know that the dirt road they were on was messy but the best one they would ever drive on and that there would eventually be a turn. At that next turn there would still be great roads ahead but this was the BEST one, the slowest, dirtiest, most hair tangling one, that sometimes went on for days with no end in sight. I wanted them to drive slower and smell the air around them. I wanted them to see the gift of grace in the everyday; the good, the bad, the plans executed flawlessly as well as the failures. I realized over the years that while your visual of things doesn't always match up with what you get handed, there are no failures in life only lessons that allow us to discover grace. Grace isn't just the giving or the taking (or even the thanks we receive for a job well done) but it is the navigation system you use along the way. Grace is surely the gift of giving: but is also how you navigate not getting your way, receiving compensation or seeing the whole picture. It is undeniably your ability to move through life with a glad heart. I sat there at the round table that night and listened to these young mothers. I realized that my answers to the questions they were seeking truth in; were drastically different than they would have been when I in their respective places. My truth, my honest heart is to put grace above my wants or the vision in my mind of perfection and to be in the moment. My answers to them were to savor each moment, and every dent or tangle they receive along the way. God did not design us to be pictures of perfection but to be human. It is in our nature to question, have free will and we as well as those around us will fail or be questioned. Often we self-inflict. Young mothers and young fathers don't question who you are, what you are doing or how you arrived there. Enjoy the ride, learn from the past and leave no regrets. Be gracious in your pursuits of joy as everyone around you is on the same journey. Copyright 2014 Micheline Edwards