Motherhood (Parenthood), Tangles and Grace

Almost 30 years ago this week my life changed forever. Okay to be fair that actually occurred approximately nine months prior to being handed a tiny bundle. Becoming a parent happened during some moment of unsuspecting activity that unannounced to me at the time would forever continually change the way I viewed everything the rest of my life. This change in my status would steer every decision I would make; every dollar I would spend, every breath I took and quite frankly cause me to consider not just myself but how my actions would impact others in my life. I seriously underestimated that the steering wheel for life as I knew it was now on auto pilot but yet I would somehow be responsible even if I didn't purposely drive in to the storm. Like Mary who said "yes" to God, when he presented her with the proposition of motherhood. Mary could not have even imagined where her life was going. We as parents we have no idea what ride awaits us. I often find myself thinking about where I am in life and where I am going and sitting here in a tiny airport in Fargo North Dakota while waiting for a delayed flight gave me plenty of time to ponder this. Most of my journey so far has been largely made up of being a caregiver. Even as a teen I spent many hours doing childcare, driving siblings, shopping for or transporting my mother and then moving directly on to parenthood. Time spent on what I wanted vs what others needed was always a collision in my head; a set of compromises. Life is full of these instances at every turn (even if you are not a parent), learning to manage what you want out of life while still being gracious and caring for others thoughts, dreams and needs. Often our dreams are not met; the ideal visions in our minds are not what life deals us. So often in life we are driving along see a fork in the road and even with our best efforts to go one way; a higher power grabs our wheel and takes us another direction down an unknown dirt road. Dirt roads are messy; there is dust, noise, our hair gets blown into tangles and it can sometimes be boring. Sometimes there is a party at the end and often it is just a long drive with another turn coming. Often dirt roads are like life when we look back and the dust settles we realize that the ride was a beautiful drive and we wish we had driven slower and enjoyed the smells, the grit in our teeth and the breeze in our hair. I had the interesting privilege to attend a moms group this week. I use the words interesting because, I have attended many of these meetings over the years and this proved to be an interesting and enlightening experience. Interesting was a key word this time. This time I was simply a guest, a fly on the wall but with a voice. I was the mother who wasn't changing diapers, cleaning toys and struggling with identity. I sat there and listened to the voices in the room but was hearing myself as a younger mother. Hearing the struggles I often thought were due to my lack of options; yes moms often feel trapped even if they love their children. Hearing words that I would have uttered not so long ago. Sitting there I wanted to scream, to tell these young women to savor every mess they cleaned, every tear they wiped and to stop second guessing their choices and decisions. I wanted them to know that the dirt road they were on was messy but the best one they would ever drive on and that there would eventually be a turn. At that next turn there would still be great roads ahead but this was the BEST one, the slowest, dirtiest, most hair tangling one, that sometimes went on for days with no end in sight. I wanted them to drive slower and smell the air around them. I wanted them to see the gift of grace in the everyday; the good, the bad, the plans executed flawlessly as well as the failures. I realized over the years that while your visual of things doesn't always match up with what you get handed, there are no failures in life only lessons that allow us to discover grace. Grace isn't just the giving or the taking (or even the thanks we receive for a job well done) but it is the navigation system you use along the way. Grace is surely the gift of giving: but is also how you navigate not getting your way, receiving compensation or seeing the whole picture. It is undeniably your ability to move through life with a glad heart. I sat there at the round table that night and listened to these young mothers. I realized that my answers to the questions they were seeking truth in; were drastically different than they would have been when I in their respective places. My truth, my honest heart is to put grace above my wants or the vision in my mind of perfection and to be in the moment. My answers to them were to savor each moment, and every dent or tangle they receive along the way. God did not design us to be pictures of perfection but to be human. It is in our nature to question, have free will and we as well as those around us will fail or be questioned. Often we self-inflict. Young mothers and young fathers don't question who you are, what you are doing or how you arrived there. Enjoy the ride, learn from the past and leave no regrets. Be gracious in your pursuits of joy as everyone around you is on the same journey. Copyright 2014 Micheline Edwards