Satisfaction Guaranteed

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you: I will take your heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh” ~ Ezekiel 36:26 “I just spent the afternoon cleaning & baking” (“must be nice”) , “I would love to help with that” (“ I would but I’ve got a life”), “ I just had my best morning at the gym” (“someone has too much spare time”), “look what I did!!!” (“When I retire”), “Would you like to go to lunch?” (“no money, not working; this mommy puts her kiddos first”; snicker, snicker). Why do we as women do these things to each other: why are we so snide? I too have been guilty and probably will be again. In the moment when a friend expresses joy: maybe we haven’t quite had a stellar day, week or month our first response is to sarcastically tear down the happiness of someone else. Why can’t we embrace that a friend got to spend the day baking, wants to help, got to work out, did something wonderful or wants to spend time with us? I guess we are on a deeper level, usually happy for our friends. Why can’t our initial response be one of grace (I know THAT word again). Why can’t we just smile and say “awesome, way to go, I’d love too, please and thank you”. Because we are human, we want what we don’t/can’t have and we want what we see even if it never crossed our minds before that moment. Are we any better than our three year old self? I would like to think that 20, 30, 40, 50+ years of living and even being the recipient of such responses would have taught us to stop. Did you really sit around all day yesterday thinking “wow, I really wish I could spend all day baking and cleaning”? Probably on most days you did not. Did you actually want to go to lunch but it just wasn't in your budget? Or was there some other reason? Why would you word your response (and so quickly too; like we have hate waiting to roll off the tongue) so that it stings another? Jealously… Yes, I said it we are all jealous creatures despite our best efforts. We covet stuff, we emulate others and get angry when we are copied (flattery you say…phsst nobody likes it but we all do it). Why? Well partly because we are human and partly due to our need to fit in and to create images of how things should be in our perfect world. The world is rarely perfect and like the T.V. images we see and know are not real: often ‘the show” in our head is not either. It never occurs to us that our friend who spent the day cooking and cleaning was worn out and maybe she was stocking up meals for next week because her life wasn’t perfect either. When our friend says she cooked and cleaned all day; we see June Cleaver not a tired mom in a bath robe all day struggling with 3 kids and a part time job trying to get ahead. Maybe your friend did have a great day, we should be so grounded to rejoice in her achievement, alas most of the time we are not. We all want that perfect image we see in our head and when we hear something that sounds like someone else has it all together while we are struggling our first response is usually to tear them down. We are jealous, hurts to admit it doesn’t it? We covet our neighbors successes, we all want clean houses, the perfect daytime job (be it motherhood or corporate), time at the gym or to go to lunch, to volunteer and help others and to have a great meal on the table at the end of the day. When we fall short of our visions we become insecure and insecurity breeds contempt. With contempt and jealousy in our lives we are not gracious or thankful for our own world; all we see is greener pastures. This month is November, a time when most of us are going to say we are thankful for what we have. I am challenging my friends to not just say but to show their thankfulness. Be kind in your words; tell your friends (or those not your friends) how wonderful what they did really is. Tell someone how amazing it is that they are here, how beautiful they are or how valuable their time is. Hug someone, show support and kindness to each other. Tell your friend you are so happy for their accomplishments even if you didn’t reach your goal that day. Before you tear down your friend without thinking say “Wow, you are great I am so thankful for you”. Find your gracious side and it will come back to you in abundance. In my last post I wrote about using grace as a road to navigate life. Your road becomes gold when you do not steal from others but add to their journey. Micheline Edwards copyright 2014 “I have learned to be satisfied with the things I have and with everything that happens. I know how to live when I am poor and I know how to live when I have plenty. I have learned the secret of being happy at any time in everything that happens...I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength. ~Philippians 4:11-13