Momma to Mom Journey

 I saw the image below this morning and snagged it; not sure who to credit but it is brilliant. It evokes some deep thoughts of love & motherhood in me. The photo (above) is one my daughter took of me with my granddaughter. A mother's love knows no boundaries and this is sometimes a fine or awkward line. Most women either have or will travel through these phases.... "Momma, Mommy and Mom". I personally have taken this journey 5 times and am now watching it unfold with my daughter & daughter in laws. I've watched this process since I became a mother for the first time; especially when watching strangers with older children or even when observing my own mother & mother in law (even when well intended moments went astray). What I never understood is how this evolution prepares our children so beautifully for their first solo flights & leaves our hearts so full but yet empty all at the same time. Our minds can travel from momma to mom much more gracefully than our hearts. What we often fail to remember when dealing with other women especially or own mothers or mother in laws (judgment etc); is that they will always be “momma”. Our children are always our babies no matter the stage they are in. They grow up, move on, and start their own families. They are always our family even after they begin their own. The point of this post is to remind the grown daughters & daughter in laws (myself included) to remember when dealing with your mother's or mother in laws that you or your spouse were once and always will be the tiny child who called them "momma". Men, this blog post was written with women and mothers in mind but as much as you love your children and always want to do the best for them your mothers intentions are usually the same.  This isn't about boundaries but compassion for where someone else's heart is. Often I see in mom groups such venom spewed about our mothers (mother in laws especially) when often it was honestly love for a child. That child might be an adult with their own family and ways of doing things but to a mother you cannot just turn off concerns, love or involvement. Not asking to debate that there needs to be separation. I have no desire to be involved 24-7 with my grown children but asking grown children use respect for where a mother of grown/older children might be viewing things from. Years ago I learned that you never know what someone else might be going through, to never say never and to not judge. 

I would like to encourage/challenge each of us here to pray for the next 7 days for your mothers and your spouse’s mother's. Pray that you learn compassion & understanding for their journey that allow your ears & hearts to be open to their words or actions and what might have created these. Pray that you learn to treat them with love & respect even if you don't always agree about doing things particular ways. 
I did this year's ago and also still do when I get frustrated with either of our mothers. It changed my heart and creates more joyful relationships. 💗
Try to imagine the advice Mary might have given as a mother or mother in law to her daughter's given today's world.

Micheline Edwards © 2017, revised 2019

Happiness and Our Relationships

It’s been a while since I've written a new entry for this blog. Life has been exuberantly and marvelously busy. It seems that I often begin an entry with the “it’s been a while” approach maybe because it is when I am feeling called in my soul to answer a mindful moment that I am inspired to write. I belong to a Catholic moms group and a member recently asked if anyone in the group married over fifteen years actually had a happy marriage?

My heart wept for this woman. She had had missed the memo that true happiness comes from within.

My initial response was prayers for her and her family but then I sat back and thought for a bit. My husband and I just celebrated our 32nd wedding anniversary this past Sunday. We of course have had our ups and downs. There are days or even extended periods of time that honestly I wake up and look at him and think “I am not sure I really even like him right now”. I cannot imagine my life without him though. I know this is hard core honesty but I believe the foundations of a good relationship are, good communication, honestly and trust. If someone asked him about our relationship; I trust that he would honestly communicate the same answer.

The definition of a good marriage isn’t about a hallmark moment, that perfectly staged photo shoot, or putting the toilet seat down. The very essence of being joyful is subjective to each of us defining our own parameters for gratitude and what is achievable and right. Nobody, spouse or otherwise can create or be held responsible for our happiness. I am not saying this because I have super powers and am always just and perfect in my expectations of my spouse or others but because when my expectations, my ideals and my gratitude get out of whack; my life isn’t joyful. Society sets us up for the unachievable and often for disappointment or discontentment.

Years ago I named my blog White Picket Fences & Grace because I saw a lot of discrepancies between what we were fed by society to be right, factual or expected and what was actually on point. As humans particularly in the western culture that we live in we tend to be judgmental, compare ourselves to others, to covet or show jealously and to believe what the masses paint for us to be the absolute truth.  There is only one absolute truth and that is God.

We have this false sense of a white picket fence life that doesn’t exist except in a storybook and let’s face it how boring would that novel actually be without the adventure? What would the characters gain from their experience if not some sort of lesson or knowledge; which is often based (sadly so) on some trial or tribulation they overcame. I believe & tell my clients (I am a Women’s Life & Health Coach) that there are no bad experiences in life just learning opportunities.

A good relationship or marriage isn’t about expecting others to provide your happiness. Who wants to bear that burden? Let’s face it we are humans and good or bad we have free will. By having free will, we are very imperfectly perfect and we will often disappoint, anger or sadden those we love; even if not intentionally. This is where forgiveness is important too. A happy life or relationship is about learning from our past, doing our best to honor good, showing forgiveness as we would wish it shown to us, and being real about what truly matters.

Every emotion we have good or bad can be amplified by the actions of others but ultimately a good marriage or relationship isn’t designed to provide us with happiness (we must find that within ourselves) but to become one in God’s plan for us, to support each other in carrying out His word.

Happiness is found in our relationships with others when we honor His plan and desires for ourselves and bestow these graces in return upon those we choose to surround ourselves with.

Micheline Edwards © 2019 Five Children and a Farm,,,White Picket Fences & Grace

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