It’s been a while since I've written a new entry for this blog.
Life has been exuberantly and marvelously busy. It seems that I often begin an
entry with the “it’s been a while” approach maybe because it is when I am
feeling called in my soul to answer a mindful moment that I am inspired to
write. I belong to a Catholic moms group and a member recently asked if anyone
in the group married over fifteen years actually had a happy marriage?
My heart wept for this woman. She had had missed the memo
that true happiness comes from within.
My initial response was prayers for her and her family but
then I sat back and thought for a bit. My husband and I just celebrated our 32nd wedding anniversary this past Sunday. We of course have had our ups and downs.
There are days or even extended periods of time that honestly I wake up and
look at him and think “I am not sure I really even like him right now”. I cannot
imagine my life without him though. I know this is hard core honesty but I
believe the foundations of a good relationship are, good communication, honestly and trust. If
someone asked him about our relationship; I trust that he would honestly communicate the same answer.
The definition of a good marriage isn’t about a hallmark moment, that perfectly staged photo shoot, or putting the toilet seat down. The very
essence of being joyful is subjective to each of us defining our own parameters
for gratitude and what is achievable and right. Nobody, spouse or otherwise can
create or be held responsible for our happiness. I am not saying this because I
have super powers and am always just and perfect in my expectations of my
spouse or others but because when my expectations, my ideals and my gratitude
get out of whack; my life isn’t joyful. Society sets us up for the unachievable and often for disappointment or discontentment.
Years ago I named my blog White Picket Fences & Grace because I saw
a lot of discrepancies between what we were fed by society to be right, factual
or expected and what was actually on point. As humans particularly in the
western culture that we live in we tend to be judgmental, compare ourselves to
others, to covet or show jealously and to believe what the masses paint for us
to be the absolute truth. There is only
one absolute truth and that is God.
We have this false sense of a white picket fence life that
doesn’t exist except in a storybook and let’s face it how boring would that
novel actually be without the adventure? What would the characters gain from
their experience if not some sort of lesson or knowledge; which is often based
(sadly so) on some trial or tribulation they overcame. I believe & tell my
clients (I am a Women’s Life & Health Coach) that there are no bad
experiences in life just learning opportunities.
A good relationship or marriage isn’t about expecting others
to provide your happiness. Who wants to bear that burden? Let’s face it we are
humans and good or bad we have free will. By having free will, we are very imperfectly perfect and we will often disappoint,
anger or sadden those we love; even if not intentionally. This is where
forgiveness is important too. A happy life or relationship is about learning
from our past, doing our best to honor good, showing forgiveness as we would
wish it shown to us, and being real about what truly matters.
Every emotion we have good or bad can be amplified by the
actions of others but ultimately a good marriage or relationship isn’t designed
to provide us with happiness (we must find that within ourselves) but to become
one in God’s plan for us, to support each other in carrying out His word.
Happiness is found in our relationships with others when we
honor His plan and desires for ourselves and bestow these graces in return upon
those we choose to surround ourselves with.
Micheline Edwards © 2019 Five Children and a Farm,,,White
Picket Fences & Grace
#fivechildrenandafarm #ridiculouslyamazinglife #easeandgrace
#simplebalance #girldropyourcape
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