Gotta Believe to Achieve but Acknowledgement Comes First...

A few nights ago a friend shared with me an indiscretion that was made during a recent encounter. A young lady shared her dream which was to someday marry and have children. My friend’s response was something to the effect of “then why did you bother with getting an education”. Wow! Now my friend has recoiled over this action and apologized profusely. We had some lengthy discussion over this (and damage control). I had some more intense thoughts about this response being so typical of the way we fail to acknowledge each other’s unique desires. What we do, achieve, have, aspire for and even convey to others is so often in conflict. Our actions and our desires do not always align. Even when we may appear to be very much on our game things are often capsized. The key is, “Are we playing OUR game? or are we sitting on the sidelines or playing for someone else?” When my husband and I first started dating I was on the career path. I even told him I didn’t want to get married for a quite a while. Having emerged from a “learning relationship” (that’s what they really are right?) I had a beautiful child I adored. My agenda now was to go back to my original blueprint & to wait to have others. Of course you know where this went since I already identified “him” as “my husband”. Soon we had other children. Our logic was well we already had one and we didn’t want huge gaps in spacing. While all of this is going along I keep telling myself and others that this is a logical plan. I have a great spouse, beautiful children and the pretty basic middle class dream. I struggled to maintain my career and education. I was frustrated because I felt like I was always robbing someone of time to build something. One day I blurted out in a moment of frustration “All I really ever wanted was to have a family”. Whoa….whoa…whoa…. brakes came screeching and my mind was blown. Seriously this was a mic drop moment. My husband began to utter to me, “So why have you bothered to ….” He stopped himself but I could have finished it for him. I’d been lying to even myself all these years. I was miserable. Now here is the catch for those of us lying to ourselves we are each avid story tellers creating our own lie or fairy tale. Don’t take the face value of kids’ vs a career or other things as the topic at hand. The topic is why do we lie to even ourselves about our hopes and dreams? When the fairy tales we create in our heads take twisted turns we limit our ability to find peace and happiness. Notice I stated what we create in our mind not our actual physical circumstances. We manifest what our mind conjures up and if our mind is playing a hard core game of “one of these things just doesn’t belong here” then no matter what we aspire for, have or achieve, will actually make us happy. Don’t think I am suggesting we sell ourselves short or that we can’t be “multi achievers”. What I am saying is that you need to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with others or even be able to manifest things in a joyful and fulfilling manner. You cannot live your dream whatever it is. If you can’t be honest about what you want for yourself then bottom line is you won’t have it.Being honest and owning what I desired at that time created a balance where everything even my bussiness flourished.

I am not going to pretend to know what this course of action should look like for each person; our journeys are different. But if you are searching for inner peace and even success in your endeavors; start by being honest about your vision especially with yourself. Now back to my friend it is probably safe to let you know that my friend is a young man with a keen interest in this lovely young woman. I saved this tidbit so you would not judge him as some sort of chauvinistic monster. His comment was not about her gender. To him, her actions in life didn’t match her ambitions. Now he did comment that he was “being an ass”. He was baiting her to find out what her dreams for the future really were. People intentionally mislead others all the time. My friend was going to hollow out that apple right in the beginning. Leave no margin for error in understanding about what she wanted. While he might have offered a softer approach he was wanting truth for himself and clarity for her, should their relationship continue. He let me know that he was fine with whatever her answer was but…… He couldn’t understand why someone would spend so much time pursuing one thing when in fact they dreamed of something else (not a male, female thing but about choices). We spoke awhile. I told him my story and told him if he was truly interested in her to contact her (maybe sprint) and apologize, apologize, apologize. You see he may have found a rare gem. It is so hard to find someone who actually knows what they want. Even rarer is someone who will openly share their dreams (especially when they may know they might be judged for them). Treasure those that simply answer honestly and we say that is amazing! Own your truth with honor. Recognizing & acknowledging your dreams can create self-actualization and abundance in our lives. We were created to not merely exist but to thrive. It doesn’t matter our age, our gender, our family path, our past or our present. If we are honest about searching inside our soul for what we desire and then believe it we can achieve it!.Copyright © 2017 Micheline Edwards

The "real" old new post....

Everyone needs to see we are all human. A few weeks ago I made a post to a group of young moms that were heading to my house later in the evening. I meant to post it the next morning but just now realized I failed, forgot or whatever it was I didn’t do and didn’t turn it into the blog entry I had intended. I was too lazy that particular day to make corrections or for that matter even turn on my laptop and allow it to work its self-checking magic. So here is transparency, honesty, reality, or me just being human. Here my original post minus most of the typos because, well just because… "Greetings lovely ladies part of my job as a coach is to shed light…. "bright, bright sunshiny light" on life! To steer you towards a healthier & more carefree lifestyle so here's the scoop. Transparency is huge & I have had more than one mom talk about stress & meeting expectations. So here it is my floors are dirty, my bed is unmade, I did get my laundry washed but most is not put away (on bedroom floor), I am hoping to vacuum before my guests arrive (hosting a session tonight) and I should probably put something on other than the adult onesie which I am about ready to go feed livestock in (hey why shower to feed the pigs; really! lol). Thank goodness our neighbors’ aren’t close; nobody needs “P.J. retina burn” (hey it could be a thing)! So here's the rest of the scene. I've enjoyed soothing breezes through my sunny open windows today, have had the pleasure of coaching two other beautiful souls this morning, finished some paperwork for an upcoming project & honestly I love to cook and have gotten completely lost for a couple of hours preparing delicious food for some amazing guests tonight". A follow up to this was that I allowed life to unfold and I went with the flow. Our evening turned out great. I shut the bedroom door, served great food, laughed a lot enjoyed the evening and quite frankly I probably could have left my pajamas on to greet guests (yeah, be jealous)..Copyright © 2017 Micheline Edwards #bereal #behappy #lifecoach #ridiculouslyamazinglife

Using All Your Colors

Last night I attended an art exhibition; a mind enlightening experience in itself. The room was filled with many diverse guests from all over the world. I stood at the balcony watching the sunset over the mountains as I sipped a glass of wine. The sun hidden, I slowly made my way back into the gallery; watching the guests as I weaved through the crowd to my table. I am a people watcher. I admit it. I love quiet sparsely populated places most of the time but densely populated spaces often catch my attention; stirring thoughts race though my head. I watched the interactions, choices, facial expressions, words spoken and moods that seeped into the room with the same thought intensity that captured me as I strolled through the gallery earlier in the evening. The room was an array of emotion, all taking in the same experience. I feel that your ability to immerse yourself in a moment often shapes your life more than the event itself. Some like art, some don't, some find mingling intrusive while others thrive on it. The bottom line I observed wasn't whether or not a person actually enjoyed the activity but how they engaged in the particular event. Like art; life is subjective. The experiences a person has prior to viewing a particular work of art can actively change the way they view that piece. Their mood or thoughts can affect their perception of whether a piece brings joy beyond words, is ordinary, repulsive and so on. I watched and noticed that everyone’s experience was a work of art. What they put on their plates, how they engaged in the exhibit and with those around them was all painted by the “colors” they carried around with them. Those who were leaving their "colors" put away, generally ended conversations, made bland choices and overall they didn’t engage. They seemed at best bored with the whole experience. Those that took in the space, selecting “vibrant colors”, engaged, laughed, mingled among the artwork, ate delicious food and enjoyed the evening. We all are handed a new box of colors at different times in life. Like the crayons we used during our school days we wear them out, lose them and forget where we left them. Many of us always wear out the same colors over and over again and sit there wondering why our lives always look the same. In order for the picture to be different you need to use all the crayons in your box all the time. If you don’t like the picture you are creating of your life maybe take out a sharp new color you’ve never used before. More color creates more opportunity for something beautiful. More color invites healthier choices, better moods, more engagement with others and a generally brighter, more cheerful and ridiculously amazing life.Copyright © 2017 Micheline Edwards

Defining Amazing

What is the definition of a Ridiculously Amazing Life…is it the way we perceive ourselves or the manner in which others define us and our achievements or shortcomings? We are human and by the very DNA that created us, we are not capable of perfection. We harbor an inescapable quality to use our very uniquely human abilities to make choices, engage and experience emotion. It is our very “human” qualities that allow us to be alive and function as the beings we are and not just merely navigate blindly through life. We own the gift of free will which allows us to design and deliver our own destinies. In the process of making choices we often succeed wildly. We just as often fall short or even fail completely. We tend to judge ourselves and others according to the ideals we desire. It is by the vice and virtue of free will that we often chose a path that is in conflict with our goals and dreams. So what is it that determines a person’s success or shortcomings? Some of us thoughtfully chose a path that we believe will enable us to reach for the stars. Others often consciously or unconsciously pick self-sabotage. Yet, at the end of the day these very choices no matter how we made them or what the day had to offer; are not always what define our happiness or our success after the dust has settled. Is a person’s success or joy determined then by extraneous sources like net worth, travel, beauty and notoriety? Deeply I know it is not but this is often how we measure our own greatness and that of those around us. Why is it that someone such as Mother Theresa who lived of life of vows to be humble, unassuming, nonjudgmental, chase, poor and to serve others without end; is viewed as having lived a truly amazing life? “I believe it was her ability to engage”. ~mE© Like you and I Mother Theresa most assuredly made her share of imperfect choices and was saddled by those beyond her control. What I feel allowed her to be steadfast, to move forward and stand out was that she allowed herself and choose to engage in the moment, regardless of what it brought and to walk away from it being fully immersed as it occurred. What makes you look back at a moment, an event, a day, a year or a lifetime and allow you to feel it was truly, unarguably & inequitably amazing? I feel; No, I know…. “Living a ridiculously amazing life is choosing to be physically and spiritually engaged in a given moment while being able to find or apply value to the event after it has run its course” ~mE© Copyright © 2017 Micheline Edwards

Joy from Within.

What a hot mess! Pj’s coffee in hand and here I sit on this early morning. Excited for what this day and year will bring. I’ve been told that we should be sad or searching for ourselves as this will be the real empty nest year. Someone close to me actually said, “I really feel sorry for you this year”. Honestly I can’t feel it. Our children are all such a part of our lives every day. The only reason I might be searching for myself, is because I am still so entwined in the wonder of my children's developing lives (I won’t trade that!). What a blessing to be witness to lives unfolding. This stage is different they are not dependent upon me for everything but choose to share with me. We have graduations, weddings, new grandchildren and every day scrambles. How can someone feel empty with all that? My husband and I are beginning to feel like our house is becoming ours again. Okay seriously we are feeling like newlyweds. Each day we rediscover who the other one is, where our relationship is growing or needs support. We are getting to travel and are starting to have a “grown up plan” for the house. I am in love with the guest rooms that sit not empty but ready for visits from family & friends. I admit, while not a grown up space; I had fun making a nursery for grandchildren (and friend’s grandchildren). I am a bubble of energy planning paint colors, meals and date nights. A friend who was struggling with empty nest asked me about my joy. I was a bit perplexed. I was told I would/should feel empty, should I? Pondering this I think the joy in my heart is watching our family continue to evolve. To still be a whole family unit caring about and for each other is something I don’t take for granted. We still plan activities with our children that are thousands of miles away and those I see every day. It dawned on me that emptiness is being left out. Like attending church and being active in the community you feel a sense of unity and belonging when it is part of who you are every day. The old saying “A family that prays together, stays together” comes to mind. I think this could be applied to more than even just the family unit but to our other relationships as well. When your family shares the ups and the downs; when you pray for each other and grow together your growth needn’t be under the same roof. Here’s the catch you need to practice being a family when you are apart just as if you were together. Then no matter where each of you are in life, you feel connected. God asks that we build our relationship with him through Sunday worship. If that was the only time we focused on Him our relationship would be empty. Our Father needs daily attention just as we as parents and children need this. It is awkward to visit with someone you are estranged from. Your conversations falter, your words don’t fit and sometimes further avoidance seems like a good fit. Spending time with those we love and those who love us; builds solid and fulfilling relationships that can even endure separations when they occur. Happiness comes from within but it also is built by what we do every day and how we react to those around us. Nobody can make us happy; however feeling included is part of a bigger picture and can create inner joy if we let it. Soooooo.. I sit here in my pj’s. I am looking forward to the day and what it will bring. There are changes in life but the ride forward is amazing! “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart” ~Psalm 37:4 Life is such an example of this. If you delight in your family they will give you joy in your heart. Copyright 2016 Micheline Edwards

A Beautiful New Year

Such a gift is a new year. This morning is New Year’s Eve. I am amazed at how those around me have already begun their new year’s resolutions. It is funny how excited we get at the thought of a clean slate or a new way of approaching life but then very quickly slip back into the everyday from the past. Sitting here on this overcast, quiet and thoughtful morning I would like to say that this is bad, my thoughts on this say otherwise. Why is it that we desire change? Maybe because we are human, we have free will to make these choices. Maybe it is because the grass is greener in someone else’s pasture (envy?). Maybe it is due to an eye opening experience that changed our souls? Whatever the reason; most of us approach the New Year with the giddy of a 10 year old begging for a new gadget. If only we can do this, get this or stick to this; our lives will blossom! Even if we get, do or receive the newness fades quickly. Why is it that most of us never stick to the promises we make to ourselves on New Year’s? News flash…for most of us it is because we didn’t have that soul changing, face slapping wake up call telling us what we had was all that bad.. Our lives most likely, short of something devastating were in actuality probably pretty amazing! If you did experience that eye opening moment, you probably made changes in your lifestyle and stuck with them. If you didn’t then I guess the bigger question would be why did you actually make that resolution? Was it because you felt your appearance wasn’t good enough? Your home not organized enough, were you just not enough? This year I urge you to look at the resolutions you are making and why you are making them. If you are making a promise so you can fit into some mold that is not you (societal expectations) then maybe rethink things. How can you adjust “What REALLY IS YOU”? What would actually make you a happier, healthier or better person? God has called each one of us to be individuals; to each set out and make our own positive impact in life. Whether this means losing weight, meeting career goals or serving others look at where you are and have been when choosing new paths. If you love desert and hate exercising then you already know right out of the gate you are most likely not going to give up pie, chips and soda or make it to the gym 4 days a week (of course be realistic, your health is a concern). If you want to be on time, have a cleaner house, be more successful in your career or become a missionary. Don’t walk in the door January 1st and burn out on January 30th. Start small & gradually take your new promise on a test drive; try out a few “promise models” till you find one that you can love. Be sure and ask yourself along the way, am I going to enjoy this and the results it provides? When you love what and why you are doing something; it will become a part of you. You will never be younger than you are right this moment. You might be prettier, more financially stable, thinner, healthier, or just straight up a better person due to a resolution you make on new year’s; but be honest with yourself. The worst promises you can break are those to yourself. When you let yourself down you let everyone around you down. It degrades your self-worth and often undermines your abilities to make good decisions for yourself and those you love. If you want to be better (nothing specific) but just a better you in this New Year, sit down and look at your past. Thumb through old photos; stare out a window with a cup of coffee. Then decide. My Grandmom gave me a cross stitched picture years ago when I was in high school applying for colleges and thinking life was over whelming (I also thought years ago my size 3 body was fat and when it was a size 5 after my first 2 children were born; another subject another day). The cross stitch has the image of a fat little mouse stepping around a mouse trap. The words carefully stitched on it have remained true throughout my life. “Remember these trying times will be the good old days in the years to come”. No matter where you are now; you are only in a place of improving and appreciating where you are and what God has given you. Choose your resolutions wisely. May your choices create joy and peace in you and those around you. Happy New Year! Copyright 2015 Micheline Edwards

Wishing you happiness, joy and a politically correct cup????

“Hope your birthday is a happy one? Happy Anniversary? Get Well Soon?” hmmm…..Right cups and mugs; I don’t usually choose trending topics. There has been a lot of hoopla about Starbucks the last few days and if their throw away take out cups are inductive of the holiday season or not. Notice I said holiday season? That’s right I said it. I am a Christian but it really doesn’t matter? True religion calls someone to believe in a power greater than themselves, to become humble and to have faith in what they can't see or explain. Saying “Happy Holidays” to me simply means, I hope you enjoy the time span between Oct 31 and Jan 1 however you decide to celebrate. Saying happy holidays is about offering a greeting of happiness to someone; it’s saying I hope your next few weeks are filled with joy. It is not a statement about religious choices or even a question about if someone has a belief. Seriously do you ever see, “Wishing you a happy holiday season?” People seriously stop applying a question to the holiday season. Our holiday cards are not asking how you chose to celebrate nor are they a survey of religious preferences. Holiday greetings are supposed to just say have a great time (it is a usually followed by a period or an exclamation point). Let’s face it, it is really a secular holiday designed to allow you to celebrate however you choose (of course let's not ignore the capital gains). If you choose to take this time as most Americans do, to celebrate with family and friends, to get together, to share gifts, to be thankful, to dress up (be it Halloween, All Saints or New Year’s),to spark your religious beliefs and actually attend a holy service of some sort (don’t lie to yourself we all know Christmas and Easter services are triple attendance from the rest of the year), to take or share a dinner with those you love…..You are celebrating “A HOLIDAY” (call a spade a spade). If you can get up in the morning and go buy yourself a five dollar cup of coffee from somewhere. Yay You! You woke up, you probably have a job and your body is working. If you don’t like the throw away cup your beverage came in here is a tip; since you care about world justice. Try bringing your own cup and not contribute to environmental issues. If you can buy a Starbucks Coffee you can probably afford a reusable cup; with whatever makes you happy on the front of it. For five dollars you could make a cup at home and give breakfast to someone in need. You get the picture. So what is the right cup, attitude or right anything? The right cup is the one that makes you smile. I have a cupboard of coffee cups given to me with love by my family. Each one makes me smile when I use it because of a memory is attached to someone I love. A cup that works for you might be one that is actually full (hint...maybe we are not talking about a cup anymore????) As a Christian I am happy to celebrate with those I love throughout the coming season regardless of what moves them. I want those I care about to be happy, healthy, safe and to be in love with life. I want them to get up and actually have a cup with something in it & to look forward to each morning. Life is about potential and choices. Make choices that create joy for you but that do not cause harm to others (a throw away cup or saying happy holidays does no harm). Get up every morning and see the potential that has been given to you for that day;figure out a way to make the most of it. Learn to laugh, love and give. Giving to others is the greatest give you can give to yourself. You can do this and feel free to choose whatever coffee cup you wish, heck go crazy and put something like soda or tea in it. Be a rebel with good intentions, smile and don’t complain about things that make no difference in the life of you or others when you have the potential to make a positive impact every day in the world. So "fill your cup" and get out there and doing something good! Copyright 2015 Micheline Edwards; Five Children and a Farm White Picket Fences and Grace. “Whenever violence is done in the name of religion, we must make it clear to everyone that in such instances we are not dealing with true religion” ~Pope John Paul II 1998