Momma to Mom Journey

 I saw the image below this morning and snagged it; not sure who to credit but it is brilliant. It evokes some deep thoughts of love & motherhood in me. The photo (above) is one my daughter took of me with my granddaughter. A mother's love knows no boundaries and this is sometimes a fine or awkward line. Most women either have or will travel through these phases.... "Momma, Mommy and Mom". I personally have taken this journey 5 times and am now watching it unfold with my daughter & daughter in laws. I've watched this process since I became a mother for the first time; especially when watching strangers with older children or even when observing my own mother & mother in law (even when well intended moments went astray). What I never understood is how this evolution prepares our children so beautifully for their first solo flights & leaves our hearts so full but yet empty all at the same time. Our minds can travel from momma to mom much more gracefully than our hearts. What we often fail to remember when dealing with other women especially or own mothers or mother in laws (judgment etc); is that they will always be “momma”. Our children are always our babies no matter the stage they are in. They grow up, move on, and start their own families. They are always our family even after they begin their own. The point of this post is to remind the grown daughters & daughter in laws (myself included) to remember when dealing with your mother's or mother in laws that you or your spouse were once and always will be the tiny child who called them "momma". Men, this blog post was written with women and mothers in mind but as much as you love your children and always want to do the best for them your mothers intentions are usually the same.  This isn't about boundaries but compassion for where someone else's heart is. Often I see in mom groups such venom spewed about our mothers (mother in laws especially) when often it was honestly love for a child. That child might be an adult with their own family and ways of doing things but to a mother you cannot just turn off concerns, love or involvement. Not asking to debate that there needs to be separation. I have no desire to be involved 24-7 with my grown children but asking grown children use respect for where a mother of grown/older children might be viewing things from. Years ago I learned that you never know what someone else might be going through, to never say never and to not judge. 

I would like to encourage/challenge each of us here to pray for the next 7 days for your mothers and your spouse’s mother's. Pray that you learn compassion & understanding for their journey that allow your ears & hearts to be open to their words or actions and what might have created these. Pray that you learn to treat them with love & respect even if you don't always agree about doing things particular ways. 
I did this year's ago and also still do when I get frustrated with either of our mothers. It changed my heart and creates more joyful relationships. 💗
Try to imagine the advice Mary might have given as a mother or mother in law to her daughter's given today's world.

Micheline Edwards © 2017, revised 2019

Happiness and Our Relationships

It’s been a while since I've written a new entry for this blog. Life has been exuberantly and marvelously busy. It seems that I often begin an entry with the “it’s been a while” approach maybe because it is when I am feeling called in my soul to answer a mindful moment that I am inspired to write. I belong to a Catholic moms group and a member recently asked if anyone in the group married over fifteen years actually had a happy marriage?

My heart wept for this woman. She had had missed the memo that true happiness comes from within.

My initial response was prayers for her and her family but then I sat back and thought for a bit. My husband and I just celebrated our 32nd wedding anniversary this past Sunday. We of course have had our ups and downs. There are days or even extended periods of time that honestly I wake up and look at him and think “I am not sure I really even like him right now”. I cannot imagine my life without him though. I know this is hard core honesty but I believe the foundations of a good relationship are, good communication, honestly and trust. If someone asked him about our relationship; I trust that he would honestly communicate the same answer.

The definition of a good marriage isn’t about a hallmark moment, that perfectly staged photo shoot, or putting the toilet seat down. The very essence of being joyful is subjective to each of us defining our own parameters for gratitude and what is achievable and right. Nobody, spouse or otherwise can create or be held responsible for our happiness. I am not saying this because I have super powers and am always just and perfect in my expectations of my spouse or others but because when my expectations, my ideals and my gratitude get out of whack; my life isn’t joyful. Society sets us up for the unachievable and often for disappointment or discontentment.

Years ago I named my blog White Picket Fences & Grace because I saw a lot of discrepancies between what we were fed by society to be right, factual or expected and what was actually on point. As humans particularly in the western culture that we live in we tend to be judgmental, compare ourselves to others, to covet or show jealously and to believe what the masses paint for us to be the absolute truth.  There is only one absolute truth and that is God.

We have this false sense of a white picket fence life that doesn’t exist except in a storybook and let’s face it how boring would that novel actually be without the adventure? What would the characters gain from their experience if not some sort of lesson or knowledge; which is often based (sadly so) on some trial or tribulation they overcame. I believe & tell my clients (I am a Women’s Life & Health Coach) that there are no bad experiences in life just learning opportunities.

A good relationship or marriage isn’t about expecting others to provide your happiness. Who wants to bear that burden? Let’s face it we are humans and good or bad we have free will. By having free will, we are very imperfectly perfect and we will often disappoint, anger or sadden those we love; even if not intentionally. This is where forgiveness is important too. A happy life or relationship is about learning from our past, doing our best to honor good, showing forgiveness as we would wish it shown to us, and being real about what truly matters.

Every emotion we have good or bad can be amplified by the actions of others but ultimately a good marriage or relationship isn’t designed to provide us with happiness (we must find that within ourselves) but to become one in God’s plan for us, to support each other in carrying out His word.

Happiness is found in our relationships with others when we honor His plan and desires for ourselves and bestow these graces in return upon those we choose to surround ourselves with.

Micheline Edwards © 2019 Five Children and a Farm,,,White Picket Fences & Grace

#fivechildrenandafarm #ridiculouslyamazinglife #easeandgrace #simplebalance #girldropyourcape

Gratitude Circles

Building gratitude in our lives is not something we do overnight but something that we work on over time. Being thankful isn’t something we can just do occasionally because it would be like driving on a tire that had huge holes in it. November is the month of being thankful. It’s interesting to see so many discuss what they are thankful about for over the next thirty days when this is followed by a wave of what they want. Silly but many don’t realize that be thankful also allows us to get more out of life. Thankfulness is not only a key element to happiness but gratitude is the vehicle that drives us from our past to our future with #easeandgrace. Gratitude is something we should focus on so much more than we do, especially when things aren't going well. Being grateful for our past not only creates contentment in our lives but also fills our happiness bank to move forward. Our past creates who we are and allows us to move forward with knowledge that makes us wiser in our journey. I am thankful for my past the good and the bad. Often the bad became more of a reference or catalyst for positive change than the good or easy. If we salute and show grace when looking back at where we have been then as we move forward with new goals, aspirations and dreams not only are they sweeter upon achievement but they are more visible in our lives thus creating a a circle of gratitude. A gratitude circle enables us to move through life: through the good and bad knowing who we are, where we are going (even in the darkest moments) and to react to the adverse with a sense of well being. All we do starts to become a smooth motion of ease and grace. The more we thank our past for shaping us, the less we need to "try" to be gracious. Gratitude becomes the very core of who we are;

moral fibers of being thankful are woven so strongly in our being that they can ultimately create scaffolding for immense growth in our future. We actually become gracious, thankful humans instead of just going through the motions. We become the very essence of grace and begin to spread this to those around us. The gratitude circle isn’t an instant happy or a sudden acknowledgement of a recent gift. Building a gratitude circle, that is solid and that builds momentum rolling easily through life is the cumulative of hard knocks, gratitude, positive reactions and repeating. Every time we repeat this we make our circle smoother and its circumference and movement becomes “more”. More of what we want need and desire. You see loves if you want more in life, you must acknowledge with a grateful heart not only the amazing but the potholes in life as well. Find a golden nugget even in the low points and attach a lesson or positive to your wheel even from these moments. A child’s fable tells of three pigs that each build a house entirely of a given material. None of these withstand the wolf’s persistence when he shows up at their door. Had they opened their minds to gratitude for what they had, shared their resources and reacted differently sharing what they each had with joyous hearts their homes most certainly would have withstood any storm so much better (even if significant damages had been done). Build your core with all of your resources. Use the good, the bad, the amazing and the events that knock the wind out of you to create a circle of gratitude that cannot be stopped once it is set in motion. There will be speed bumps that slow your wheel down but build graciousness so solid that you can’t be derailed from your dreams! I challenge each of you to acknowledge and show gratitude not for just the good but for the difficult paths you have walked in life that created the person you are today. What journeys have added the most reinforcement to your circle of gratitude? Copyright 2018 Micheline Edwards #coachandafarm #girldropyourcape #simplebalance #momtofive #ridiculouslyamazinglife

Let Your Vibrant Self Shine

Life is too short buy the lipstick. We’ve all heard this common cliché but of course, referring to shoes. I am certainly not opposed to a great pair of new shoes by any means. I have spent most of my life as a get the basics gal, because we had a lot of little feet to cover. I have to admit I actually am not only in favor of buying the shoes but quite enjoy the spring that a blingy new pair of soles adds to my step. This time I was buying lipstick so we are moving our way from our feet, past our hearts and up into our head space where our lips reside. The color of my lips always makes them disappear; like God couldn’t decide so he said, “hey neutral works”! During the summer months I actually get quite tan, this makes my lips vanish and dry too. This is an odd combo of my heritage and a lot of farm/ yard work. One summer I had a snippy soccer mom once mention to me how dark my skin was followed by “I wish I had all that extra time to sunbath”. My thoughts on her remark are another blog entirely, one which might need censoring. Anyone who knows me well is aware of the painful issue I have with chickens and squirrels interrupting my thoughts. Let’s just pretend her comment was an “Oh no! She did not just say that to me” and get back to lipstick and tans. I am going to fast forward to this summer. Thirty years of marriage, darker skin & I have dry lips that now do not even appear to be on my face because they blend in. We are getting ready for a beach vacation to celebrate our life together thus far. Seriously, I did not want to look back at photos and think “oh shit I really should have packed my lips”! My friends are raving about the new lip stains and how they stay on “like forevvvvver”. What better time to try staining my face…. Uh, Um lips. I do my research (ask everyone who has great lips). I bite the bullet and spring for a painfully expensive “lip set”. This pricey lip set consists of: a color … I figured my lips would be permanently this color for all eternity, a great gloss that you reapply every 10 minutes and a “oops stick” that I guess erases your lips if they betray you. I’ve never used the “oops stick” my lips are brutally honest; so bluntly so that even the “oops stick” probably couldn’t erase the truth bombs I’ve dropped. Remember the chickens & squirrels? They often prompt me. I have an unnatural ability to notice everything and usually point these things out. I buy the lip set and am ready to take on life and snarky soccer moms. I have my new lips (in 3 tiny tubes)… I am set for the summer and beyond. My lips are now leading my way in life. In all honesty I love this stuff; every woman should have some. I love it so much that I decided I needed another set…minus the “oops stick” I still haven’t found a use for that (Maybe I’ll give it to my soccer mom friend this summer). I don’t usually splurge on these sorts of things as we have a large family, I work from home most days. I convince myself how long the last one lasted and how great it was. Yup I’m justified! I go to get my pout some new color. I am not as tan as I was at my last purchase, so I am reluctant to pick out a shade as bright as I got last summer

. Mind you I’ve been wearing that shade up to this morning. I was clearly sporting my summer shit/shade when I walked in to buy the new stuff. Here is where the fail came into play. The chickens and squirrels said go bright, go crazy, be fun and bold. My old mom self said what if my lips scare off my family or what if my friends are like “what the hell was she thinking” or some soccer mom says “Wow I wish my lips looked like, Harley’s bar & grill come and get it beer sign”. That was all the reasoning I needed to pick out a nice blush rose color; very tame, very soft, no statement here, very real. I take it home. I put lip color on every day (almost) just to justify my business on top and pj’s on the bottom life style and look damn good doing it. This is where my lesson comes. I always try to have some sort of a moral to my blogs. If you are going to buy the lip stain and I mean lip stain not just cheap lipstick (like double to quadruple the investment is needed here) make sure you can actually see the flipping color!!!! This lesson applies to everything in life. Go bold or go home. If you are going to make an investment in yourself do it right. Grab the bright, sparkling, vibrant choice. Effort is wasted if you go in half invested or play it safe all the time. Millions of people around the world are right now praying for one more opportunity to have no regrets wishing they had bought a lip stain that was lasting and bright and made a difference. They wish they had chosen the color that really “showed up” for the party. Don’t be left having to spend resources revisiting things you’ve already done because you didn’t do it right the first time. Choose the bright lip stain; I am going back this week to get a life threateningly awesome color that will scare the crap out of squirrels and chickens alike (I need fewer of their distractions). Buy the great shoes; not just the ok ones. You will wear the great things more often and feel better doing it. Nobody wants to show up in the dress everyone else has on. You do yourself & the world no favors by showing up small. Seize the moment and for God’s sake make your vibrant, “what makes you” color(s) shine brightly! You can wish you had or be glad you did! © Micheline Edwards 2018

Holy Water

It is Tuesday of Holy week as I sit here enjoying my coffee I am gazing out the window at the spring rain falling down. My thoughts are of my grandmother and parents telling me during my childhood that much of Holy week is rainy and that it always rains or is overcast on Good Friday as the world mourns and cleanses itself for the coming of Easter. It does seem that way. In fact many of the Easters I remember were overcast or had showers very early that made way for beautiful sunlight to follow. I remember the sunrise the morning after my confirmation well. It was cold and drizzly as we made it home from Mass that Saturday night. I woke up in the same room with the same morning light that always came in through my bedroom windows. That morning it was very focused across the bed where I was still laying (barely awake). I squinted but felt the need to stare into and absorb this light. Most people who know me well know that bright lights in the morning and I are not a match. It was a blindingly pure white light, extraordinarily bright yet very comforting. I remember laying there in bed with all kinds of thoughts in my head and an extreme moment of peace rushed over me before I got up to get ready for the day. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this very private or odd moment to anyone till now. As we enter Holy week we are beckoned as Christians to observe and fall into a moment in our lives of respect, mourning and even humble gratitude for our Lord. It would totally make sense that the weather might reflect this somber time during the year. This morning I decided to look into the matter. According to what I found online most sources claim that rain always falling on Good Friday is a myth. Some sources site that it is springtime; it’s supposed to rain. However, I did find even more sources that explained this legend as a reflection of the intense faith that we have. One psychologically based source reported that they felt that it rained no more or no less during Holy week or on Good Friday. This source thought that our minds and our intense belief only allow us to remember the rain because it is part of our sadness this week. I couldn’t find a source that confirmed nor denied, with any verifiable facts if the rain legend was true or not. As for me & my family I firmly believe that there is always rain during this week every year. As far back as I can remember it always seems to rain or be very overcast during at least a small part of Good Friday. So as I sit here this morning with the spring rain falling during Holy week, I contemplate the reason for the rain. Not that I always question the weather, however we do live in Missouri so it is plausible to at least pass judgement on the weather at any given time. No, I sit here with my coffee watching the rain cleanse & rejuvenate the world, allowing it to be a peaceful but somber and thought provoking time of reflection much like that moment of sunlight after my confirmation many, many years ago. Is the rain a sign from the heavens to His people? Maybe if you believe. Micheline Edwards©2018

This!

I am always in awe of the deep sense of responsibility & spirituality that often find their way into the most unlikely places with our farm guests. We had two groups of teens out on Monday. I knew that taking and posting photos from this event wasn't possible as it often is with schools, due to privacy policies. This sums up our day with such volume. This is the single photo from the day. It wasn't taken until feeding time Tuesday night as darkness crept in; yet it moves my soul to know that in the midst of a field trip 3 special young guests took the time to create this space. What is it you might wonder? I probably might not have even noticed it, had it not been for one of the girls who had told me she and her two friends had found a dead sparrow while interacting with our other animals. They had been so engaged with our livestock their hearts were heavy at the thought of this tiny bird just laying in the dirt. She told me they had “created a resting place" for it under one of our pear trees while indicating which one. I thanked her and mentioned how sweet of them to do this. I had no idea the time and care that had been taken. There are a lot of twigs on our property but not many where this occurred. The girls had to have really looked or created the materials to provide this. This...Seemingly a small pile of inconspicuous twigs, in actuality it is a tiny, very lovingly made tomb for a bird that most likely these particular girls might have just ignored at other times. This! This is why I coach. This is why we open our farm to guests. Get outside and breathe a bit today. Pause for just five

minutes and engage in the space you are in. Empty your mind of your troubles and allow life to climb into your soul. Copyright 2017 Micheline Edwards #comeplay #imaginethepossibilities #ridiculouslyamazinglife

Gotta Believe to Achieve but Acknowledgement Comes First...

A few nights ago a friend shared with me an indiscretion that was made during a recent encounter. A young lady shared her dream which was to someday marry and have children. My friend’s response was something to the effect of “then why did you bother with getting an education”. Wow! Now my friend has recoiled over this action and apologized profusely. We had some lengthy discussion over this (and damage control). I had some more intense thoughts about this response being so typical of the way we fail to acknowledge each other’s unique desires. What we do, achieve, have, aspire for and even convey to others is so often in conflict. Our actions and our desires do not always align. Even when we may appear to be very much on our game things are often capsized. The key is, “Are we playing OUR game? or are we sitting on the sidelines or playing for someone else?” When my husband and I first started dating I was on the career path. I even told him I didn’t want to get married for a quite a while. Having emerged from a “learning relationship” (that’s what they really are right?) I had a beautiful child I adored. My agenda now was to go back to my original blueprint & to wait to have others. Of course you know where this went since I already identified “him” as “my husband”. Soon we had other children. Our logic was well we already had one and we didn’t want huge gaps in spacing. While all of this is going along I keep telling myself and others that this is a logical plan. I have a great spouse, beautiful children and the pretty basic middle class dream. I struggled to maintain my career and education. I was frustrated because I felt like I was always robbing someone of time to build something. One day I blurted out in a moment of frustration “All I really ever wanted was to have a family”. Whoa….whoa…whoa…. brakes came screeching and my mind was blown. Seriously this was a mic drop moment. My husband began to utter to me, “So why have you bothered to ….” He stopped himself but I could have finished it for him. I’d been lying to even myself all these years. I was miserable. Now here is the catch for those of us lying to ourselves we are each avid story tellers creating our own lie or fairy tale. Don’t take the face value of kids’ vs a career or other things as the topic at hand. The topic is why do we lie to even ourselves about our hopes and dreams? When the fairy tales we create in our heads take twisted turns we limit our ability to find peace and happiness. Notice I stated what we create in our mind not our actual physical circumstances. We manifest what our mind conjures up and if our mind is playing a hard core game of “one of these things just doesn’t belong here” then no matter what we aspire for, have or achieve, will actually make us happy. Don’t think I am suggesting we sell ourselves short or that we can’t be “multi achievers”. What I am saying is that you need to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with others or even be able to manifest things in a joyful and fulfilling manner. You cannot live your dream whatever it is. If you can’t be honest about what you want for yourself then bottom line is you won’t have it.Being honest and owning what I desired at that time created a balance where everything even my bussiness flourished.

I am not going to pretend to know what this course of action should look like for each person; our journeys are different. But if you are searching for inner peace and even success in your endeavors; start by being honest about your vision especially with yourself. Now back to my friend it is probably safe to let you know that my friend is a young man with a keen interest in this lovely young woman. I saved this tidbit so you would not judge him as some sort of chauvinistic monster. His comment was not about her gender. To him, her actions in life didn’t match her ambitions. Now he did comment that he was “being an ass”. He was baiting her to find out what her dreams for the future really were. People intentionally mislead others all the time. My friend was going to hollow out that apple right in the beginning. Leave no margin for error in understanding about what she wanted. While he might have offered a softer approach he was wanting truth for himself and clarity for her, should their relationship continue. He let me know that he was fine with whatever her answer was but…… He couldn’t understand why someone would spend so much time pursuing one thing when in fact they dreamed of something else (not a male, female thing but about choices). We spoke awhile. I told him my story and told him if he was truly interested in her to contact her (maybe sprint) and apologize, apologize, apologize. You see he may have found a rare gem. It is so hard to find someone who actually knows what they want. Even rarer is someone who will openly share their dreams (especially when they may know they might be judged for them). Treasure those that simply answer honestly and we say that is amazing! Own your truth with honor. Recognizing & acknowledging your dreams can create self-actualization and abundance in our lives. We were created to not merely exist but to thrive. It doesn’t matter our age, our gender, our family path, our past or our present. If we are honest about searching inside our soul for what we desire and then believe it we can achieve it!.Copyright © 2017 Micheline Edwards